Whom My Soul Loveth: Twelve Days from Spiritual Crisis to God’s Peace and Presence


“Dark Night of the Soul” is a term inspired by an untitled poem of St. John of the Cross. It expressed a spiritual struggle. It is a term, today, that expresses a spiritual crisis that may last for days or even years.

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Softcover, 60 pages

When a good friend told me that I had allowed personal pride to interfere with my relationships and ministry, I fell into a twelve-day spiritual crisis and isolated myself from the church, friends, and ministry. It was a time of spiritual agony as I tried to sort out my true motives and questioned why I even believed in a Go.

I decided that I would address these issues and lay them to rest once and for all, if indeed I could. I resolved to isolate myself for as long as it would take to conclude whether my faith was real or just my own invention.

I also made the decision to record this journey through my own Dark Night of My Soul. I decided to be as candid, honest, and real with my struggle as I could be. Things shared in this journal are deeply personal, and I struggled with the idea of sharing much I have written here. This journal includes my deep questions regarding my love for God and whether or not I really do love Him. I have also shared my struggle with Asperger’s Syndrome, something I have never before revealed publicly.

I don’t believe that I am alone in asking and needing answers to these questions. How I choose to resolve these issues may not be how you would, but by joining me on this journey I hope you will discover that you are not alone in your doubts. Elijah had doubts. Moses had doubts. Peter had doubts. Many of the great men and women of faith throughout history had periods of doubt. Many even questioned whether or not God existed. They too went through a Dark Night of the Soul and emerged stronger and more faithful to God than before.

I know that, for me, these twelve days of spiritual crisis, my Dark Night of the Soul, has led me to a place of God’s peace and presence. I pray this journey leads you there as well.

Originally published as For Whom My Soul Loves.

Additional information

Weight 1 lbs
Dimensions 8.5 × 5.5 × .3 in


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